OK so the title is pure Click Bait. This does raise the thought does trying to fit in and appear normal ruining our sex lives.
While watching a video titled “How Not to Be Boring” a sentence and photo hit me.
“We are rendered boring by a faithful will that begins it malevolent reign over us in adolescence to appear normal.”
We can all think back to a time when all we wanted to do was be cool and fit in with others. Nobody wanted to be the kid that stuck out. This yearning to appear normal can follow us into adulthood and right into the bedroom.
“I believe the need of trying to be normal and fit in with social standards leads to many missed experiences. “
The thing about trying be normal is that it holds us back from exploring our true selves. Our Wants, our Needs, our Dreams, and hell even our favorite music. Let’s be honest trying to be normal takes a lot of effort as 1) You need to be up to date with what’s hot and trendy, and 2) You have to suppress/ignore your true self/desires.
In talking to friends and partners I think a big part of trying to be normal is the fact we don’t show/learn about our true selves in of fear of being called “Weird”. This fear of being labeled ‘weird’ or ‘different’ can lead to thoughts of being lonely or misunderstood. Which essentially leave us feeling vulnerable.
How this all ties into sex. With suppressing ourselves we don’t get the chance to learn who WE are as a person and what WE truly desire. Learning about who We are is a life long task, which inevitable demands a certain level of introspection.
If seeking pleasure and having a fun filled sex lives, I urge you to take the time to learn about who ‘You’ are as a core individual. Core in that all labels are removed, such as mom, friend, teacher, etc. Learn about yourself by trying something new. Go sky diving, travel by yourself, take up that class you always wanted to do. Heck just go do something out of the ordinary and see whether you like it or not. Worst case scenario that new experience will leave you with a fun story you can share.
I leave you with a final quote from the aforementioned video “We can end up boring not so much we don’t want to share our lives, as because we don’t yet know them well enough to do so. “
